she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
