He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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