Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
