So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
