you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
