DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
