I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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