I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
