Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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