We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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