That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
love makes seman taste better
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
