I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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