I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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