Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
