I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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