need another drink. this is the easiest way
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
