Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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