How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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