I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
