Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
