My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Even the bartender felt bad for me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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