he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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