I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Someone signed my nipple.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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