Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Mom said you looked used
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
