Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So much rum. So many feels.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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