forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
