I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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