I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
