I wannas sexs uuuuu
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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