So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
