glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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