Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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