There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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