Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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