this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
