I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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