I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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