You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You can't motorboat a personality
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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