Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
