I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
