YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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