sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
