I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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