i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
