You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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