im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I will be naked everywhere
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
