Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is Oprah even human
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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