Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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