That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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