Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
