So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
