doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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