i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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