Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
