Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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