She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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