Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well I just put wine in my tea
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
